Why is looking creepy a good thing? Let me explain.
I have a 12 soon-to-be-13 year old boy. This means soon I'll have to contend with hormone crazed teenage girls. I've done my best to inhibit the interest of these hormone/culture driven sex fiends by fanning my boy's nerdiest tendencies. You know: love of science fiction, books, white socks with black shoes, etc. His mom and I are also hoping for a serious acne problem, but given our own histories it doesn't look good. I can only hope and pray that I will have instilled enough nerdy awkwardness to keep even the most sex crazed girls at bay. So far it seems to be working, but teenage girls are wily creatures, so you never can tell. Which is why I was happy to have discovered that I now look creepy.
Here's how I found out. I was goofing off on my phone (i.e., looking at Facebook) while waiting for my son's debate club to let out. Sitting near me were a couple of teenage girls. They were babbling inanely about things teenage girls babble about. I wasn't really paying that much attention until one of them expressed the desire to move, but wouldn't say why. My ears perked up because I had a feeling it was because she was a little afraid of me, but I wasn't sure. A few minutes later they started whispering and I heard one of them say, "He's not that creepy."
Bingo.
I knew that whatever I did next would either solidify or dispel my reputation for creepiness. So here's what I did. I pretended to get a phone call.
"Hello?" ... "Yeah?" ... "No, I told you the bleach will get the blood -- no, tell him to bury it with .... He said what?" ... "You'll have to take care of him." ... "Yes, I mean kill him." ... "Both bodies will fit -- sideways" ... "No bury them in the back lot." ... "Okay, bye."
I'm guessing my creepiness factor was solidified by the way they ran off screaming. The trip I took to the police station later was also a big clue. I have to say, I don't like being arrested, but it's a small price to pay to keep teenage girls away from my boy.
As word of my creepiness spreads I imagine there will be many conversations like this:
"Keesha, I'm thinking of dating T."
"No, girl, he's the one with that creepy dad."
"Ooh, that's right. Never mind then, I'ma date John."
Crisis averted!
The Advice:
In order to keep your teenage son away from dangerous teenage girls:
1. Do whatever you can to encourage your boy in activities, dress, and hobbies that repel teenage girls.
2. Grow a creepy beard. If you are a mother, this will double the creepiness of the beard.
