Thursday, October 3, 2013

Training Week -- What? The Marathon's Next Week? Crap! or Be Careful What You Visualize

I have read about visualization. The idea is that you picture yourself doing something and voil a you are doing it. Apparently some athletes use it to picture themselves hitting the ball, or making a basket, or whatever their sport requires them to do. Apparently some people use it to accomplish other things like giving up smoking or doing well on a test.

Visualizing has never worked for me. When I was in high school I tried doing it during our basketball games, but the coach still put me in the game. There was a year that I used it every time I opened my mailbox, but $100 dollar bills never poured out of it. (Neither, for that matter, did Snoopy). And it certainly never worked to get Brussels sprouts to taste like cheese cake.

Then suddenly, to my horror it did work.

Way back when I was still sane, before I signed up for the Chicago Marathon; before my wife's crazy friend bewitched us into agreeing to run; back when two miles seemed like a long way to run, I made a big mistake: I visualized myself running a marathon.

Honestly I don't know why I did it. I was probably a little crazy from running or maybe my wife had already been using her sneaky subliminal psychology techniques to trick me into visualizing this. Whatever the reason, I wasn't worried. Visualization had never worked before, why would it now? I was safe, right? Right? NO! I was not safe. I visualized it and now here I am getting ready to run
 t   w   e   n   t   y   -   s   i   x      m   i   l   e   s.
 In a crowd. Along streets lined with port-a-potties. Gah!

Don't visualize things! You've been warned.

Okay, so we've reached that awkward part of the blog where I blackmail you. See, it occurred to me that if visualizing myself running a marathon worked, then visualizing other people running one would work too.

So, here's how this is going to go: donate $50 or more here or I will visualize you running a marathon.* Don't think I won't. I'll do it. You'll find yourself inexplicably running on paths distances you would have only ever driven. Your body will spew forth sweat like a sprinkler, your legs will ache, you'll buy nipple guards! Your life will be overwhelmed with running and you will rue the day you did not donate (Here! Now!) **



 
*Unless, of course, you want to run a marathon, then I'll visualize you not running a marathon.
** It just occurred to me that maybe the reason I visualized myself running a marathon was because one of you didn't donate and I visualized you into running a marathon so you built a time machine, came back, and somehow tricked me into visualizing myself running a marathon.

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